Common Sense for Casinos

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Something about the inside of a casino has the ability to destroy the logic of even the most sensible men. I don’t know if it is the lights, the oxygen they are pumping through the vents, or the free drinks by the waitresses who are never quite as attractive as they should be but whatever it is, a man must work to keep his bearings and remember the following…

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1. There is no “system”

Chances are you are a regular guy down in Atlantic City or out in Las Vegas with a group of your buddies. Be wary of the friend advising you about some full proof system in any game, because I got news for you, there isn’t a full proof system for any game and if there was your friend would be on a villa on a beach somewhere. Most of the time your friend won’t even be good on selling their brilliant plan to beat the house and their logic will start with “I know this sounds like it won’t work…” Yes, the reason it sounds like it won’t work is because in the end, it won’t.

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2. There is no home cooking

Don’t believe the roulette wheel is going to spin your way because you are betting you and your friends old high school football numbers or something along those lines. Unfortunately, the wheel isn’t conscious of you sitting at the table and reflecting back on your old playing days. A blackjack dealer isn’t going to give out friendlier hands because she looks like your old Spanish professor that you sat in the front row of class to check out. You don’t know the dealer and she isn’t trying to help you, no matter how many snappy one liners you throw at her.

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3. The wheel doesn’t think logically

OK, it hit red 14 times in a row. It is an absolute lock to land on black right? Empty out that wallet and think about buying yourself a booth in the club that night so you can pretend you are in Young Money for a few hours…then watch it land on red or double zero and go back to your room that you are sharing with 17 friends to keep the price down.

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4. Go to bed!

We have all hit the heater when gambling, unfortunately sometimes it just happens too early in the night. You are up, way up but it is only 1AM, you can’t go to bed yet right? So you end up gambling until 5 AM, giving everything back and then some. Keep a few Tylenol PMs in your pocket at all times and as soon as you are up more than you have any business being, pop those suckers in and pass out. You will thank yourself in the morning. If you don’t want to use sleeping pills, find the late night buffet and eat yourself into a coma.

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5. The ATM is your worst nightmare

Leave the debit card at home. Leave the credit card home. I can’t exactly remember but I am pretty sure there is about a 37 dollar surcharge for using an ATM in any casino. Keep the money you plan to spend in your pocket and don’t give yourself the option to go back. The last phone call you want to be making is to your credit card company or bank at 4:23 AM asking why you can’t withdraw any more money.

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